Seeking

These are excerpts from a series of recurrent dreams I've had for years. I'm hoping one day we'll find what we're looking for, but until then, I'll chronicle it because the picture is pretty interesting: 1  We’ve been here once before. Golden sun enveloped the hill that bragged of safety and beauty then too. Inside, the crystalline pools were embellished in gold and a tropical blue. It was regal and peaceful and felt so much more like home than anywhere else. I knew we had been seeking it our entire lives the moment that we arrived. 

2    We’re out again, searching as we always do. Our urgency is present but it’s begun to wane. I don’t know what it means. The property is protected by barbed wire and as we enter the trail we see that the cougars are here again. They seem to find us wherever we go and they’ve yet to come too close. Regardless, I’m caught between going in the opposite direction before they arrive and keeping my bearings and going in the right direction. I feel like I can divine the place like an ancient to water. I know where we are supposed to be, yet I couldn’t tell you if you asked me. But my heart knows it. And the cougars are always here. 

3 It's been a while since we sought. It seems we've settled in this land of the lifeless. There's no color here, not really. Maybe muted tones if you really look, but it feels like everywhere your eyes land there's a layer of dust. For some reason I don't really mind it, and every time I walk into the building from the bland yard our room has shifted.  But it's never exciting enough to even concern me. It's just a different room, like having a space shift into another is what happens when you leave. That's how it feels here, and like everything since we arrived I don't quite get it. What does any of this mean? Where is everyone at? I'm sure we will find out eventually but until then we're here in a dusty hotel that feels so big in a reality that's so small. Until that road appears again, I guess this is where we will stay. I can't see beyond the mist anyway and if I try hard enough, I can see the cats waiting. I wonder how long they'll stay? Hopefully they can find food until we are free because I know we will need their sense of direction. I know that mine seems to have disappeared completely.