You may know this about me, but I used to write. Everyday. I haven't for a while and it feels good to be here again. 

I've been kind of busy, and I wanted to share what I've discovered because in my experience, there's no greater way to grow than from the encouragement of others. 

If you know me, you've heard the story. To make it short, I woke up after a very long time and realized that the choices I'd made had created a very lonely life for myself, so I changed it. 

I'm on the other side, somewhere between 'Dont Start Now' by Dua Lipa and 'Good as Hell' by Lizzo. There's a lot of power in rebirth and nothing comes close to telling your past to fuck off as you connect with words like those songs that highlight your growth. But, this is only the beginning of whatever is coming for me...

When I left my old life and came home, I was pretty sure I was a badass that had it all figured out. Part of that was true, but really, I was a glass woman walking around throwing myself at sharp objects. When you live in bubble wrap there's nothing more enticing than jumping off a ledge, believe me! Luckily, I had some people that cared about me through that stage where I was a bull in a china shop (or were literally in it with me) when I couldn't figure out why bubble wrap and knives didn't fit together like I wanted them to. Looking back, I'm so grateful that I had (and still have) those people around who walked with me in the midst of that mess because in the end their patience, advice, and perspective helped make me stronger. In fact, some of the conversations I have had about that really intense stage have changed my life and encouraged me to do the hard thing: become comfortable knowing that I am strong and I am more than enough. 

There were too many years where I did what no woman should do- I begged and sacrificed my own happiness to try to earn love that wasn't there. But in the end, I found my worth and value. That seems elementary, but when you have never felt worthy, it's big stuff, baby. 

I'm still here in this in between and my life shifts daily with my wants and discovering my needs as they surface. But I now know exactly where I want my life to end up, and embrace that I have no idea how I'm meant to get there, with who, or when. And I'm in love with that. Finally I can look ahead and just be content that I can see outside of the walls I put around me. For the first time I can remember, I am so happy with my own company that I can be patient until whatever is waiting in the wings comes along. 

I broke my own heart on several occasions in this journey, skinned my pride pretty bad a time or two, but I learned that in the end we're all just doing the best we can and the things that last are always gained through trial and error. I gained some pretty amazing friends from those lessons and realized what gold I have in those people that had already walked with me through all the crazy through the years. 

I guess what I wanted to say in case it makes a difference to anyone is that we are never set in concrete. We are meant to be fluid beings and sometimes life goes in directions we never expected. But when that happens, it's okay to go. Our roots grow back and get stronger when they're fed with soil they belong in. Change is not only intimidating, sometimes it's petrifying but don't let fear keep you where you don't belong. 

You make someone's heart swell, your existence is significant to someone, you are valuable in ways you may never even discover. You fucking matter and are making an imprint on someone's soul. So don't settle, wherever that may land in your life, don't waste years compromising when you could be flourishing, because your happiness is worth every second of discomfort needed to get there. You can do the hard thing.   

I may not have a clue what tomorrow has in store but for the first time in forever, I can breathe and enjoy that today I get to be the best version of me that I thought died so long ago, and it's never ever too late for you to do the same.