Family

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family. "

Very few quotes hit home with me quite like this one. It pierces my heart and fills me with joy and humbleness. This simple sentence is a reflection of many of the fibers interwoven into my being, the mere threads that hold me together.

 For someone inexperienced in life as myself, I have endured many a heartache. I made decisions that I wasn't proud of and my actions often screamed volumes about the state of my soul. I've been a wreck, a hot mess, if you will, to the point of desperation. When my pain wasn't self inflicted, it seemed to find me from other sources-friends, boyfriends, growing pains, death. The latter found me much earlier than anyone would be willing to welcome it, and as much as its presence always hurt, I found that I numbed to the dark cloud that loomed over those trying times in a way that was necessary. And it just kept coming back, for eight visits by my 21st birthday.

In those hours of darkness, when all I could do was doubt myself and my life's direction, it was hard to stand tall enough to reach out for a hand to help. When I cried myself to sleep because all I wanted was the simplicity of a hug or a spoken word from someone I'd lost, I often tried to conceal it for fear of inflicting more hurt on those I cared about. What I slowly began to realize however, was that when I needed it the most, I always had a hand to lift me up and an embrace to lean into- I just had to open my eyes to it.

Being a woman now, looking back on my life as a child, I see how immensely blessed I have been to grow up in the family that I have. My parents aren't and never were perfect, but they love each other and have endured a lot together- 29 years worth of life lessons they have earned. Each of them has a unique story to tell and used their experiences to teach my brother and I the truly important aspects of life-to love one another, treat everyone as you would want to be treated, and that we are wonderful just exactly the way we are.

Whether we had blue hair and started a band, or were dance fanatics with a secret  affinity for poetry, we were always accepted by our parents. I'm sure it wasn't easy to support two radically different children in the same home- especially as teens. But they always honored our free will, and they endured more than their share of  teen anguish. Yet they persevered. There were times our foundation would crack, only to be mended by our refusal to give up. We are a family, and families stick together to the very end, at least some, like ours, are lucky enough to have such a luxury.

Somewhere along the way, my brother and I grew up. It's like it happened over night, we woke up one day and had lives of our own- homes to take care of, bills to pay. Suddenly the invisible tasks that we'd never detected before as part of life became very apparent. I know that in those early adult years we both gained appreciation for what we'd always been given- a carefree home. We'd never been burdened with the issues behind the scenes. We'd been made accountable for that which was worthy of a child or teen to take responsibility for, but the rest was handled by our parents.

 Every member of our little family is as different as each of the cardinal directions. We have our flaws and our quirks, but the blood flowing through our veins that is rich in love much exceeds those frivolous details. It's our common thread that we can claim. A heritage that gathers pieces of many nations, yet is rooted in our homeland, that unites us.

I never realized until I was old enough to understand that there were stories that didn't start or end as happily as mine that I was, and am to this day, very fortunate. It wasn't until we almost lost the patriarchal piece of our perfectly fit puzzle that I realized what I had to lose.

In the moment that I stepped into that hospital, and saw the man who had dedicated his life to helping give me everything he could, lying weakly in a bed with wires attached to his heart, I realized that all I had ever really loved existed in that small room. He was joined by the woman who endured a lifetime of hurt before she reached high school, yet grew up to be a strong and vibrant soul. The kid who had grown into a strong and brilliant man that supported me in every way with his quiet, protective approval was there hurting with us. They were my life. And thankfully, all three of them are still here to share each moment with. I believe that our strength and support is largely responsible for my Dad's recovery, aside from the real and true blessing that it was.

I am not here to boast of a life of superiority. I have endured much, and have many years of challenges ahead of me, like anyone walking this Earth in today's world. Yet I know that I am not alone, because even when the world fails me and I feel I'm standing on my own, I never will be. There  is a safety net of my own flesh and blood at the ready if ever I should stumble, and I know where my place  is in that net when I, too, have the responsibility to catch one that I love.

There are many things I have yet to learn and few that I know for sure. But of this I am certain, the one constant in this physical life is the family we've been given. I am thankful for the extraordinary souls that make up mine, for they have made all the difference. 

Inconclusive

My mind wanders round you in circles
Mystified, perplexed, and content
You are not black, nor are you white
Some transient rainbow of all that lies in between
That seems to be your palette, my friend
With hearty tools of theory I dissect you
But the conclusion is always the same
Inconclusive
You can't be boxed or caged
Try as I may, I will never tame you enough for the answer
Yet maybe somewhere stirring within me
Mingling with the curiosity of your mystery
Is the fact that I don't want to know
Without the burden of your secret's unraveling, I can dream
And fly around your heart as I ponder
The root of your existence

The evolution of a dream

Most everyone has a dream. Not everyone does something about that dream.

James Bishop is one person who goes against the grain in this way. He had a far fetched goal that he wanted more than anything in the world- to have his favorite band play at his wedding this coming July. Today, 460 days later, Bish got his wish. Here's a recap of how it all began.

Step 1- Go out on a limb

Bishop and Douch explain their campaign for the first time.

Step 2- Make it personal

The guys launch a Mac Attack!!

Step 3-Take to the streets

Bishop and Douch take the campaign on tour in the UK and get to pitch their request face to face with their favorite band.

Step 4- Persevere

Each day without fail, Bishop or Douch (or both) made a video explaining what it would mean if Hanson played the wedding.

Step 5- Endure

A very bad day

Bishop discovers that Hanson has booked a gig in the US the day of his wedding, making it literally impossible to make his one wish come true.



Step 6- An unexpected surprise

After 458 days of silence, Hanson presents an offer that is too good to pass up!


Step 7- Give thanks

Bishop responds to the reality that he is going to get to give his new wife the opportunity of a lifetime, thanks to the one band he thought he'd never get to involve in the happiest day of his life.


This entire campaign is just visible proof that perseverance pays off. Will Hanson play every fan's honeymoon from this day forward? I doubt it will ever happen again. But for the guy who recruited a sole comrade to help single handedly tackle an impossible feat,  today he receives the gift he once could only dream of.

Congratulations to James Bishop and the soon to be Mrs.Jennie Bishop! Accolades are also in order for Chris Douch, who helped make the campaign everything it was. I know I won't be the only one missing your guys'  hilarious videos.

Maybe we're just going to have to start a campaign of our own... Bishop and Douch Do America?   I say you take the comedy duo on the road, guys!!!!

20 songs you probably haven't heard and are missing out on.

Disclaimer: I never stated that you and I had the same taste in music, so keep that in mind as you browse along. ;)

The following are 20 of the best songs (in my opinion) that are not well known to the general public and deserve a bit more recognition.

1) Dosed- RHCP
This is one of those songs that I personally never heard of until recently and man am I wishing I'd been aware it was released as a single a decade ago! Frusciante's gorgeous riffs and incredible harmonies, Anthony's singing. It all just fell together so smoothly. I like the subdued feel of it, but also the crazy passion behind the song as well. Definitely a diamond in the rough! I belt this one out so hard in my car that it's embarrassing. I dare you not to do the same now that you've heard it.

2)
Hands for Battle- Nice Guy, Mean Mug

I've tried several times to liken this band to others when trying to explain their style to my friends. It's kind of impossible, and that's good in a world of music that tends to run together like a puddle of undefined watercolors. All of their music just gets me pumped. The vocals are slick, guitar and drums just rip it up. It's amazing how well it all fits together, considering how much is going on all at once. Add to that just the slightest touch of screamo and there you have it- a feel good anthem about making sacrifices to get where you're going. Yet another sing along for the car ride home.

3) The Theory of Funkativity- This City

How can you not just feel the passion these guys exude? They create some seriously brilliant music!!!! The lead singer (Pat) has a really individual voice and I personally am a big fan of it. You have to visit theoryoffunk.com to actually understand what this band is capable of. It'll blow you out of the water, I guarantee it. They're more about the journey of music rather than focusing on nothing but hit after hit. Yet another great example of the direction a lot of our generation of indie artists have taken, which I for one can say that I'm quite proud of.

4) Eclectic Approach- Cool

Seriously, if this song doesn't get you in the mood to do some kind of partying, I'm not sure you have ears. This is one of those that's a hook, line, and sinker right from the get go. Saw these guys as openers for a favorite band and could not believe my ears, it felt like they were the headliners. Complete show stoppers with their stage presence. Although the song in and of itself is just cool (no pun intended), the mixture of rap, harmony, and actual musicianship is exciting. 

5) Hanson-Make It Alright

So much about this unreleased track is atypical for Hanson. Let me explain: Zac's voice is not normally that filthy, for lack of a better word. To most, it may sound just like a funked out song with a good chorus. But to anyone familiar with Hanson's music from about 2001 on, you know that this isn't par for the course. The style is completely separate from their usual work. I LOVE it, and I don't at all mean that in the pervy way you may think. It's just nice to have a wild card thrown in there sometimes. It's fun when artists experiment with different sounds. The funk in this song is great. And can I mention Isaac's sick guitar skills here? All around a hit. Sorry for those of you who think these guys musically died at MmmBop, that was really just the beginning.

6) Jars of Clay- Art In Me

For those of you not familiar with Jars of Clay, I'll share why I'm a fan and you can make up your own mind. I really appreciate that lyrically they're not too concerned with wowing everyone and bringing attention to themselves. Their music is very much focused on God and His glory. The lead singer (Dan Haseltine) has a voice unlike any other, making their music easy to identify and set apart from the rest. All around, this has been one of my favorite bands since I was a little tween.

7) Brook Fraser- Albertine

There are so many reasons this is an amazing song, and you will understand all of them if you listen to the lyrics. It's that simple. Absolutely incredible message that we all should hear. We are very very lucky to live in a the 1st world, and it's our responsibility if nothing else, to be aware of those who are not as fortunate and what they face daily.

8)
Scartographer- Horizon album

I went to school with this guy and seriously, his guitar skills blow my mind. I remember him playing for our class once and I was stunned- but this is a different level of awesome from where he was then. Newly signed, with a brand new album, he's got more than enough great tracks to keep you busy for a while. If you are into instrumentals that provide your brain with a lot more bite than elevator background noise, you have to check him out. It seems like the whole spectrum of musical extremes are visited in this collection of songs. Scartographer just rips it up in every song, all of which are arranged really well and provide enough variety to keep you far from boredom. Start with Perfecting the Archetype though, it'll set the stage for what you're about to experience.

9) Eric Hutchinson- Oh

I won't elaborate much on this one. I just love the song so much. It's incredibly catchy and fun. And it won't ever get out of my head after I listen to it. You know it's good if you're brains still noshing on the melody 3 hours later.

10) Keaton Simons- Currently

Ok, ladies, if I have to explain this one, I totally give up! But seriously, this man is the definition of a true musician, he's got the whole package- style, musical ability, unique voice, original lyrics. This one sounds like summer time to me. What you guys  think?


11) Justin Young- Sip Your Wine

Wow. Just wow, really. Been a long time fan of Justin's. Even though there's pretty blatant innuendos in this song, I even refer friends to it as a first Justin Young song because it really showcases his talent so well. He's got mad acoustic skills, and a very soothing voice. Good relaxation music. Definitely on my list of artists to see live.

12) Fountains of Wayne- Someone To Love

 I love Fountains of Wayne for a lot of reasons, one of them being that just hearing Adam's voice reminds me of Stacy's Mom. Come on, you can't deny that you sang that song on loop in the early millennium period. This song is a bit reminiscent of the 90's for me  (even though it's from '07) and the video is hilarious. The chorus is impossible to forget and it's another that I'll be singing later into the night because it's now brainwashed into my head again after watching this video!

13) Tinted Windows- Messing With My Head

This band has nothing but catchy songs. Their sound is very late 80's, early 90's. Never mind that it's comprised of members from Cheap trick, Smashing Pumpkins, Fountains of Wayne, and Hanson. As a super group, they mesh well and create light hearted, very poppy tunes. They seem comfortable in this niche, as you can hear in this upbeat song about the nature of women torturing men with their mind games. Ladies, we knew they'd catch on at some point!

14) Icarus Account- MayDay

Oh boy are you all in for a surprise! The twins of the Icarus Account are acoustic wizards. They make magic, I tell ya! For men, they've got great range in their voices and they keep the music simple, but relate able. Like this one, the songs are always clean, but well done. I definitely look forward to what their musical career holds!

15) Red Hot Chili Peppers- Funny Face

If you've ever wondered what it might sound like if Flea went all reggae on us, this is your musical answer. I was absolutely floored when I heard this Stadium Arcadium B-side. I'm already a fan of reggae, and you could, well you could say I may just fancy the Red Hots, so you can imagine my reaction when I accidentally stumbled across this gem. This is my summer jam, hands down, no discussion. Tell me you don't love this. I may not believe you even if you did :)

16) Hanson- Hope It Comes soon

This song has everything I want out of music- a clear and positive message, great vocals, a catchy chorus, and of course actual instrumentals. Taylor's got a very distinct voice that he has developed into an unmistakable sound over the years and this is one of my favorite examples of his vocal ability. I'm pretty partial to music done in the name of philanthropy, so that has a lot to do with why I love this song. It was born during their Take The Walk effort to provide aid to Africa after their visit there.


17) Thousand Foot Krutch- Rawkfist

Ok, if we're being honest, my selection has been a bit swayed thus far. Here's one that's sure to appeal to the guys (and maybe some of the ladies, like myself). Rawkfist is just completely brimming with energy. It's the perfect song to workout to because it doesn't have a moment where it lacks adrenaline. One word to describe it: infectious. The chorus will undoubtedly have you barking or growling or whatever dude sound that is that comes out. All I know is I love it. Fantastic song. Easily one of my husband's all time favorites.

18)  Danyew-Beautiful King

Easily one of the best songs I've heard live in terms of connection with the artist and the lyrics. Very intimate worship song that is not only gorgeous in terms of arrangement, but the depth of the meaning behind it. I do believe I saw him open for David Crowder Band. Amazing.

19) Seabird- Don't You Know You're Beautiful

We had a chance to see these guys open for David Crowder Band as well. It was yet another of those moments where it felt like we were seeing this band as a headlining act, rather than an opener. Their sound is so catchy and real. Obviously there a real talent for writing songs present as well. This is one that I wish every single girl( and guy) aged 9-18 could hear. It could have a great affect on their self esteem during that really difficult, awkward time that they need to be reminded that they're valued.


20) Alicia Keys- Lovin You

This is a sweet little ditty with a lot of soul. I love the simplicity of the lyrics coupled with the passion that backs them. Faulous track to totally geek out to when no one is around to see you belt it out with a hairbrush microphone in your hand. Don't even act like you've never done that, folks! We're all pop stars behind closed doors, it's a cold hard fact.

I recently dug up some of my old poetry from high school. The following few are examples of it.

Forever turning tables of time

Always my unconditional source, I count on you to be there for me,

Strength, patience, kindness, a perfect model of who I want to be.

Sticking to your every word even when the going gets tough,

No matter the sacrifice, you find a way to keep our spirits up.

A challenge now lies in the way of your path,

But I see no thought of surrender, no looking back.

Still yet to fall are the tears I see well up in your eyes,

But when a warrior is in battle, there's no time to cry.

Living life to the fullest, you've done your best to overcome,

Those unexpected obstacles, that are cruel and so loathsome.

Now the time’s marching on, as the soldiers in your fight,

You’re body changes everyday but your smile is still bright.

I’ve been given the gifts of your love, stories, and advice,

Everyday I am thankful to have been part of your life.

It's hard to consider a life without you here

I don't want to accept it, but even you see your end is near. 

Before you leave and join the Heavenly hosts

Promise me one thing, it's what I want the most. 

Give me one last chance to hold you as tight as I feel

So I can imprint you on my heart and never forget that you were real.

As the thunder rolls I step outside without inhibition

Just in time to see lighting streak the sky

Water pours down with ferocity

I can't pretend to ignore the reflection

I see of my soul's storm

Watching with pain, I see your smile in my mind

I hear your laugh echoing with the falling droplets

Feeling memories from years passed

Warms my heart and then leaves me shivering cold

I wish that I could, but I can’t, explain all this pain

It's like acid’s infiltrated this rain

And as it falls down upon my face

I receive the overwhelming sting of your death

Feeling so empty and small in the presence of nature's power

I look for answers in the sky

Hoping for anything to get me by

Beautiful, dark clouds collide,grumble, and then burst

I close my eyes to hear the gentle whisper of your words

Our golden memories flood my head

For one blissful second, again you’re not dead

In a moment drenched in nothing and everything all at once

I remember those good times when you'd spit your rhymes

I see you move with the beat, like it's rhythm was yours eternally

Those good days when your very presence filled a place

Everything you mean to me is locked in these precious memories

Dripping with pain and soaked to the bone

I think of your music and how it changed me

Because of you, I learned  Pac said “Life Goes On”

But how, and why, do you choose to move along

When the heart lives in the past

Where you, my friend, still breathe

All I want is to see your face and that smile

But now it hurts to even hear your name

I don't think I'll ever be the same

The anger from the sky is slowly letting up

I can see a ray of hope straining to share some beauty through the darkness

It's liberating to see that truly, "for every dark night there's a brighter day"

But I'm not ready to dry up, nor am I ready to say goodbye

 

Yet I know you’d wish no tears

You gave direct orders to live and love our years

With a smile and a tear, I begrudgingly welcome the sun

Appearing behind a cloud to showcase a rainbow 

I could pretend this isn't what it is

But I know better than to throw aside any of God's gifts

Though it’s hard to fully understand

I know you’re on the side of His right hand

You look down from time to time

Because,like now, I can feel you by my side

It's the hardest move I'll have to make

But I steady myself and muster the strength to turn

... and walk away

Stripped to the core I make my first step

Toward a new life without you

And without all that you've ever been for me
 

With a heavy heart, I ache for those you loved

I pray that in their lives they find peace

And for them  genuinely to believe

That this storm is God’s sign, symbolic of terrible, grieving times

But still a promise to them, and to me

That the Sun will return eventually

Words could never express what you mean to me

Thank you for our golden memories

All is still

Stomach knots

Light pops

Curtains rise

Crowd stares

Time stops

Bass drops

Fear is gone

And I DANCE…