Family

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family. "

Very few quotes hit home with me quite like this one. It pierces my heart and fills me with joy and humbleness. This simple sentence is a reflection of many of the fibers interwoven into my being, the mere threads that hold me together.

 For someone inexperienced in life as myself, I have endured many a heartache. I made decisions that I wasn't proud of and my actions often screamed volumes about the state of my soul. I've been a wreck, a hot mess, if you will, to the point of desperation. When my pain wasn't self inflicted, it seemed to find me from other sources-friends, boyfriends, growing pains, death. The latter found me much earlier than anyone would be willing to welcome it, and as much as its presence always hurt, I found that I numbed to the dark cloud that loomed over those trying times in a way that was necessary. And it just kept coming back, for eight visits by my 21st birthday.

In those hours of darkness, when all I could do was doubt myself and my life's direction, it was hard to stand tall enough to reach out for a hand to help. When I cried myself to sleep because all I wanted was the simplicity of a hug or a spoken word from someone I'd lost, I often tried to conceal it for fear of inflicting more hurt on those I cared about. What I slowly began to realize however, was that when I needed it the most, I always had a hand to lift me up and an embrace to lean into- I just had to open my eyes to it.

Being a woman now, looking back on my life as a child, I see how immensely blessed I have been to grow up in the family that I have. My parents aren't and never were perfect, but they love each other and have endured a lot together- 29 years worth of life lessons they have earned. Each of them has a unique story to tell and used their experiences to teach my brother and I the truly important aspects of life-to love one another, treat everyone as you would want to be treated, and that we are wonderful just exactly the way we are.

Whether we had blue hair and started a band, or were dance fanatics with a secret  affinity for poetry, we were always accepted by our parents. I'm sure it wasn't easy to support two radically different children in the same home- especially as teens. But they always honored our free will, and they endured more than their share of  teen anguish. Yet they persevered. There were times our foundation would crack, only to be mended by our refusal to give up. We are a family, and families stick together to the very end, at least some, like ours, are lucky enough to have such a luxury.

Somewhere along the way, my brother and I grew up. It's like it happened over night, we woke up one day and had lives of our own- homes to take care of, bills to pay. Suddenly the invisible tasks that we'd never detected before as part of life became very apparent. I know that in those early adult years we both gained appreciation for what we'd always been given- a carefree home. We'd never been burdened with the issues behind the scenes. We'd been made accountable for that which was worthy of a child or teen to take responsibility for, but the rest was handled by our parents.

 Every member of our little family is as different as each of the cardinal directions. We have our flaws and our quirks, but the blood flowing through our veins that is rich in love much exceeds those frivolous details. It's our common thread that we can claim. A heritage that gathers pieces of many nations, yet is rooted in our homeland, that unites us.

I never realized until I was old enough to understand that there were stories that didn't start or end as happily as mine that I was, and am to this day, very fortunate. It wasn't until we almost lost the patriarchal piece of our perfectly fit puzzle that I realized what I had to lose.

In the moment that I stepped into that hospital, and saw the man who had dedicated his life to helping give me everything he could, lying weakly in a bed with wires attached to his heart, I realized that all I had ever really loved existed in that small room. He was joined by the woman who endured a lifetime of hurt before she reached high school, yet grew up to be a strong and vibrant soul. The kid who had grown into a strong and brilliant man that supported me in every way with his quiet, protective approval was there hurting with us. They were my life. And thankfully, all three of them are still here to share each moment with. I believe that our strength and support is largely responsible for my Dad's recovery, aside from the real and true blessing that it was.

I am not here to boast of a life of superiority. I have endured much, and have many years of challenges ahead of me, like anyone walking this Earth in today's world. Yet I know that I am not alone, because even when the world fails me and I feel I'm standing on my own, I never will be. There  is a safety net of my own flesh and blood at the ready if ever I should stumble, and I know where my place  is in that net when I, too, have the responsibility to catch one that I love.

There are many things I have yet to learn and few that I know for sure. But of this I am certain, the one constant in this physical life is the family we've been given. I am thankful for the extraordinary souls that make up mine, for they have made all the difference.