I recently heard someone define womanhood as a female finally earning her stripes through child bearing. Even to write it now makes me a little ill in my heart, and this is why.
At the ripe age of twenty six, I have yet to meet this definition of womanhood. No, I'm not some spinster or a cat lady. I'm actually happily married, and also fiercely independent. I'm a professional with a set career, and also mother of one very spoiled... dog.
But what if I were single, going to college, or taking some time off from everything to find myself- much like many inspiring women I know- what then? Would I be a failure as a woman? Is the essence of femininity truly found in the experience of growing, bearing, and rearing one's own child? This cannot be solely true. For if this were so, then we would be confirming that women who have helped form our very history- women like Mother Teresa- were not in fact women at all, but girls? I find this ideal appalling, offensive, and untrue.
Please do not misplace my passion here. I am not what most would even really call a feminist. In truth, I'm more interested in individuals than groupings of a predetermined people at all. But as I grow in life and years, I am increasingly surrounded by the presence of mothers, and of this idea that to be one is to enter into an elite tribe. It blesses me to see the gentleness and grace of a mother with her child. It's beautiful to witness the melding of hearts that occurs in that bond that is found nowhere else. There is said to be no greater pain or intense love than bringing forth a child into this world. Sacrificing nine months and a remaining lifetime of independence, as well as dwelling in a new, changed body is a selfless act no one can match. It's also a gift and life changing experience that no one can fathom until they arrive there. However, I think the root of womanhood only begins in this relationship, and branches out into every aspect of life, and not in such a way that those who are barren or intentionally without child cannot participate.
The common theme, the main ingredient, in a woman is her heart. It's what defines every person on this earth, is it not? The heart is the reflection of the soul and actions are a reflection of intentions and desires. If you have no heart, you have no influence, no bargaining chip, but to allow others to learn from your mistakes only. And what a loss of learning that experience is, if there was never a testimony of redemption to right such wrong. Again, requiring heart to accept life over loss.
But I digress.
I have witnessed women from every walk of life imaginable, from many different parts of this earth, and the one thread they all bear is their passion for others. And isn't that what makes us all human- the unquenchable desire to reach another soul? Be it through words, sports, song, connection with nature, sharing of faith, teaching of ideas, or simply caring for others, we all have the potential to love and influence our fellow men and women. The young lady caring for your grandfather in his elderly care facility is no less a woman than the mother of four in front of me in the grocery store.
I openly want to voice my great respect for mothers and the amazing opportunity that they have to raise a future nation. However, a child is not raised in the walls of a home alone, but also by the community at large in which they dwell. So why put us all in that box and demand that we exist there? We are women, after all, and our sisterhood, so greatly diverse as it is, unifies us in itself. Can we let that be enough? I would love nothing more than to not see pity dripping from the face of someone who hears that, gasp!, I am childless. If I never have the opportunity to raise a sweet little clone of myself, if I never choose to take that path, I only hope that I would not continue to be looked upon as a leper, but as an equal with value and might, gusto and grace, courage and worth. All that I ask is that you see me as you see you.
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