How sweet life can taste when all is laid out before you, in life's simplistic, perfect, beauty. Each comforting smell, sight, sound, touch and taste is connected, contributing to the stronghold by which one adheres, knowing that these reinforcements are constant and unchanging. Yet, because these wonderful experiences are bountiful, they become taken advantage of. Their sacredness and meaning can fade with time. Then all is gray, bland, no longer shimmering and pleasant. In the midst of this ungrateful period, one can get caught off guard; for when all that was cherished becomes extinct to the senses, how can life be carried on with meaning?

To stumble back upon wobbly feet, blinded eyes and deaf ears, one requires special aid- a caring soul that can endure life's greatest challenge: teaching one to live anew.  Though at first it seems impossible to taste the same fruit, hear the very same harmony and see the beauty of before, all hope is not lost. For this guardian withholds abundant patience, unending love, faith from within, and trust that all will soon be restored. Slowly, with the slightest shove, they lead this numb soul to take the first step into a new life. With painfully slow progression, the blinded eyes are given sight, for their handicap has been lifted. The dull taste buds once again savor the juices of joy. Songbirds and babbling creeks rejuvenate the muted lobes.  Newly budded lillies and sweet grasses invigorate the remaining sense, now recovered from it's dormancy. As cheeks become flushed and life is recovered, the rehabilitated looks for the teacher only to find themselves. Our heart, our faith, our courage is our guiding force. We are our own mentor when all color fades.


Again I say, all hope is not lost, for it was only ever hiding, waiting for the perfect moment to give birth to this genesis that is today.  Never cease to admire all of the perfection around you, someone flawless and divine created it with just you in mind.

I want to be tiny
And invincible
To bury my head in the sand
And find treasures while there
I want childlike innocence
And courage enough to fly
To be out until dusk
And to play with mud in a dress
I want to be reckless
And have no fear
I want to look up to the big kids
And only pretend to be old
To go school shopping
And worry about my first day outfit
I want to live in a perfect world
To believe that all is well, always
I long to visit my childhood
And experience it's beauty for just one more second...

A few of my favorite things

I don't know why, but I want to list my favorite things. So there!

Yellow
Purple (not with yellow, don't be hatin on me Lakers fans!)
Autumn chill
Sparkling lemonade
MUSIC
dancing
my husband's laugh
new socks
writing for an audience of 1
old family portraits
nostalgia of any kind
the 90's
skirts
wedges
college football
cold sheets
walking in bare feet
my dad's carpentry
the fact that mom doesn't say goodbye on the phone
my dog and his pet rock
clean smelling houses
warm laundry
lavender
lemongrass
my football collection
my brother's taste in movies
being cool (temperature-wise, silly!)

We've all done it, looked back and said "If I had a chance, I'd do ________ over." Well, like a great song says, if I could write a letter to me when I was younger it would include the following:

God should never be forgotten or come second to anyone, even if He's not "cool" to your peers
Never be afraid to befriend another
Don't shy away from your good heart or intentions
When you feel like something is wrong, it is
Hug your grandparents just a little bit tighter and a little bit longer, it'll be worth it in the end
It's ok not to go with the flow in high school
Death unfortunately does not discriminate by age. It is real and can touch those you love, even when you're young
LOVE being young and without responsibility, you're going to miss it
Don't be afraid of people. Behind each bad intention lies a deeper fear. Reach out to those you naturally fear, it could change their life, or yours.
Don't judge based on looks, money, or reputation. You aren't fit to judge, anyway. Love everyone.
Being different doesn't mean you're weird. It means you know who you are and accept it.
Realize how amazing your family is. Many are not so lucky as you.
NEVER tell your parents you hate them, even if you are furious. They will turn out to be some of your best friends.
Be patient for your husband, it's worth it
Act on your passion for music, you won't regret it.
Don't be discouraged by others' judgements against you. It reflects insecurity in themselves.
Always, always, always dance.
Stand up and speak out against injustice against others.
Tell your friends what they mean to you every chance you get.
Always let your family know you love them.
Learn from everything.
Listen to your heart, not the chorus.
Life experiences are not nearly as rich as they're made out to be in college. Spare yourself.
Set yourself apart, you're called to it.
Enjoy every moment you're blessed with.
You will grow up to live a life you don't expect, but love passionately.

You know what I love about being an adult? I can be who I want to be.
You know what I'm discovering? Life as an adult is less about what you want to be and more about who you're made to be. It's all a bit ironic. But such is life. Live it well, you only get one shot at it.

Cubicles

We all live in cubicles.
As humans, it's comforting to build up walls and maintain a safety zone- far enough away that others can't quite reach you unless they have the secret password.
The problem is, the password is denied far too often.
Why be vulnerable and let someone in? We know ourselves, that's good enough. Not everyone needs to know everything about us.. or most things about us for that matter.
Well, I've made a discovery. You see, my cubicle flooded today with the real frustration I held against someone I cared about. I wanted to share it, but to do so, a wall would have to come down, and I might leak a little *eek* honesty. And that can be embarassing.
Yet when I realized that I was drowning in this pool of concern for my friend, I realized that it may just be better to reach out and fish for a lifeline. I took the chance of crumbling our friendship by bearing my honest opinion. I held my breath, praying for just a few more minutes to try to float before our friendship sank.
Then it happened.
A rope was thrown in and I was pulled out of my proverbial box. I was forced to face a friendship like a friend, not a coward. They welcomed my opinion with open arms and mind. They thanked me for sharing with them.
This is one of many epiphanies I've had to face with reluctance and fear, only to be pleasantly surprised: true friendships can withstand honesty, if it is born of true concern for the good of others.
I think I kind of like it out here, away from the safety zone. It's a bit scary, I feel vulnerable, but I think it's time I step out of myself and begin to live and love like I was always meant to: in the presence of those who matter most.

My fingers lay upon ivory and jet black steps
I feel my heart skip with anticipation
It begins to burst at the seams
Expelling all that I feel within me
Yet can't seem to find words to express
Like an enchanting spell, I am caught up
Only this moment exists
My hands dance and my soul smiles
A reflection of a newfound love
In this gale of emotion I wonder
How did I ever live without this?